09.27.09
the dust - the piano - the handprints
earson: helen jane long - release - on the album 'porcelain' .. nick cave and warren ellis - rather lovely thing
eyeson: footnotes, antecdotes, music boxes
thoughton: i'd like to go back to the time when it was mysterious
margaret cho show was full of trannies, gays, and lesbians all chortling about cock and vagina jokes. SUCH a good time, i loved every minute of it and spent most of the night flushed .. wanting to find someone, anyone, in the room to peruse with my mouth for awhile afterward. i know .. but the laughing made me horny ..
friend from online had successful gallbladder surgery and is recovering physically, is taking on some things mentally like moving and loss of a friend, transition of desire - thoughts are with him, because as we discussed, the things you pack and the things you leave behind are not always physical.
listening to orchestral arrangements of sad songs (requiem for a dream's soundtrack, other things .. ) and wondering about myself while dreaming about fucking on altars to natural gods .. huge permanent marker 'X' marks on both hands, considering tattoo'ing my inner forearms with tiny symbols for the words 'balance' and 'patience' .. things i feel i struggle most with.
peering at pictures of pretty anime boys and staring at the dust on my DVD player, work and bills and other people's resentments run together .. resolving my daughter's asthma attack at 12:13AM ..
you know, sometimes it all feels like a great moving tragedy, and sometimes it feels like i'm glorifying it too much and it's just a simple life - with simple arcs and edges - but i want my own enormous little story, i want it. i want to believe in it. that it'll be sad, and great.
written at 2:24 a.m.
