08.18.09
plus plus plus
earson: pain
eyeson: leftovers; leftover words, leftover moments
thoughton: you, wherever you are
hi -
+ will be returning to full time sept/october, yay.
+ work has decided to go to 10-12hr shifts beginning nov/dec .. yay and boo ..
+ been having jaw/ear pain for the past few days and for the last couple have not been able to shut my mouth completely. really painful to eat, jaw keeps clicking, and there's a huge lump inside/outside my left ear that's hot and achy. i'm really hoping this amounts to an ear infection, and not a cyst or a tooth problem.
+ i'm lonely for love, i'm scared of love. i'm so scared of becoming really close to someone again, but i miss having someone to curl my mind against and to depend upon for that indulgence of faith .. by that i mean .. you don't have to think about it, it's a luxury, a ready thing, to call that person up and say i have had a shitty day and i need your hugs and your kisses and to be alone with you and my thoughts .. to have that unquestionable faith in someone without worry or doubt. have i ever really given that gift to myself, had faith without doubt so huge it's disruptive?
i miss you, person i'm supposed to be with for the rest of my life - i miss you this morning because i feel like crying because my face hurts so much and it would all be so much better with just your kiss or your arms .. or if you could come with me to the doctor's office this morning, even, that would rock. we could write poetry in the waiting room while you held my knee, or then again, you could just offer your presence without having to do anything at all and i'd be so happy
written at 8:22 a.m.
