08.15.09
result, resolution, goodbyes
earson: fado, pitbull's 'hotel room,' the morning noise of the hospital
eyeson: many different renditions of the lady of shalott in art
thoughton: coffee - so jealous of the graceful reediness of some people
just a few tiny updates - the evaluation went pretty well. i did go through the prerequisite breakdown of my absenteeism, but it was gentle. my bosses are two women, very kindly and gentle creatures .. who both noticed how nervous i was and commented on it. when we were done, they both said 'that wasn't that bad, was it?' and i felt a little embarassed for having been nauseous for 2 days over it .. but .. happy.
have been either bogged down by allergies or an odd little cold for a few days, serious enough to clog up my ears so solidly that they hurt .. that my eyes hurt, and i can't sleep very well. so thoughts are slow; movements are slow. but i have been thinking a lot about a possible motivation for myself that would be feasible .. so that i can put off this pudginess i've gained since before leaving for CA.
won't elaborate on the motivation i finally decided on, but i'll let you guess: it's about masculine gender anatomy, and how i'd very much like to have another romp with some before i become too disconnected to enjoy it.
my grandfather's been moved to a nice end-of-life house where he is, hopefully, enjoying a better quality of care than he had been in his assisted living. there he'll probably degenerate over the next few weeks .. in a comfortable way, surrounded by family. but not by me. i feel like i've said my goodbyes .. i feel almost cold about it, except that if i allow myself to think about it too much i feel crushed, like a strong Army bootheel into overripe fruit.
written at 7:26 a.m.
