07.17.09
facade - swallowing the moon
earson: regina spektor, the ting tings, 'fire burning'
eyeson: chelsea lately (woo.)
thoughton: empathy, morality, the 'honesty' of distance
i feel this morning and yesterday -
like the coyote, the Trickster who tried to swallow the moon. selfish Coyote and mourning Eagle who wished for their wives and children back, who murdered the guardian of the dead's spirits and tried to trap them ..
in the story they -did- capture the spirits of their loved ones in a crate, but when the sun rose the spirits left the crate like a gust of air and from that point on, man was mortal and finite .. and cannot re-incarnate.
i've been thinking a lot about empathy and my capacity to empathize. someone said to me that you can't really lose that, but you can .. you can if you try very hard to ignore the complaints and bleatings of someone so intently that they begin to slide off of you. and then, by accident, -everyone's- concerns and desires begin to roll off of you. i feel that i'm having trouble feeling happy for people when it's appropriate, or feeling sad or anxious for them when it's appropriate. i feel nothing but annoyed at their spillover, and wish they would shut their yaps.
this isn't .. -right.- you should, you absolutely should try to do these things for people.
hm ..
someone last night said 'i feel like i'm losing you' and i wondered if they ever really had me? or if i have them? -can- you have someone whom you cannot touch or kiss good morning? is it honest of you, of that person, to 'belong' to each other? i feel increasingly -no,- it seems false. like a movie facade propped up against a whole lot of nothing.
written at 7:13 a.m.
