07.15.08
ludicrous
earson:
eyeson:
thoughton:
it is true that i have not yet lost my father and do not know how it feels. it is true that i am nearly sure he loves me and i see him every day; setting the sprinklers for the tiny garden cucumbers and smoking his cigar on the threshold of the garage door so that it doesn't bother my mother. i won't know the pain of never knowing if my father loved me or not, i won't have to go through a funeral with people who are strangers to me.
however ..
i understand as much as i can. and it's not fair to me to exclude me from your ongoing grief as you have because you don't feel i'm clued in. how many years have we known each other now? nine? you were there for me when i got pregnant with my daughter, i was there for you when your sister passed away. why are you locking the screen door on me, it makes me feel helpless and frustrated.
so a couple of things .. i just made it through an infected eye ulcer, extremely painful and annoying .. i've told my boss i absolutely HATE LNAing and i'm not doing any more, i'm eecretarying again and every time i turn a page of paperwork i whisper 'thank god i'm not wiping an ass' under my breath.
i'm estranged from my sister because of her increasingly strange treatment of her daughter, my niece just graduated from high school last month and my sister's decided her 18th birthday present will be to kick her out of the house and shut off her cell. speaking of cell, my niece came home late sunday night and my sister decided to not only -take- said phone but -beat- her little girl around the head with it so hard that she clobbered an earring out of one of her ears.
i wish i had better news for you all, i really do.
written at 8:31 a.m.
