07.03.09
meetings, forgettings
earson:
eyeson:
thoughton:
i'm listening to: .. pitbull - calle ocho, sarah harmer, and 3oh3.
lots of things have been happening lately, lots and lots of things.
i 'met' a man - by 'met' i mean he messaged me on IRC and said my RP was beautiful. from there there were phonecalls, and weary leavetakings, and odd screen watchings .. you -can- have electricity, have a sort of nerve implosion, with someone that is totally inappropriate for you. you CAN develop a totally irrational infatuation with someone, feel completely desirous of them, want to throw in with them in every possible way .. when you KNOW it's not meant to be, that it won't happen, and that it will absolutely be short-lived. which it was! but oh .. how beautful .. how intense, while it lasted.
i've met some new people this week and have reconciled with people i used to know, awkwardly .. i've made enemies of people who used to be my sweetest friends, and i've upset someone who is extremely interested in being in a relationship with me. -two- people even. but see, there's this reality check, and it's in the numbers:
1 child
1 zipcode
1 absolute fear of commitment.
okay. i don't know how i did it, folks, but i forgot to pick up one of my paychecks. all this time, up until this very morning, i thought i was overdrawn with no hope of recovering until this month .. yes, yes four weeks of wallowing in old oatmeal packets and bisquick blobs. for fuck's sake, sometimes i feel like i'm turning into SUCH a tool. so today i have 2 paychecks in my purse that i'm hoping to cash, but i have a sneaking suspicion the friggin' bank is closed.
written at 7:29 a.m.
