04.15.09
in unison
earson:
eyeson:
thoughton:
at once on the beach in the grey the waves all crashed in unison and the vast inland sea streched out before me like a great languid beast who'd had such a meal, and was ready for the season to come. the sand was so cold i could only take a few steps before tucking my feet back into my all stars, filling them with fragments. but the expanse of the quiet was so delicious! not even a seagull squawked, not even a dog barked, no rustling in the trees .. other than the unison wave there was no movement, only earth and sky and the blood fleeing from my feet. then, as i crossed the bridge back over the flood swamp and back onto the gravel trail i felt vital, electric but appeased. and the rain began to fall, finally, from that undulating fabric of grey overhead and the moment was complete - it was like punctuation, an elipse.
i was not expectation's puppet, i was not my history's haltered gelding but i was FREE and meandering with fantastic grit in my shoes and such a smell on the air that was rot and rebirth. i reveled, and then i returned because i couldn't help but do so.
so i'm still faltering but i feel every day that i'm growing, that my roots are finding purchase. i still remember feeling unearthed and alien .. i still remember descending and descending until nothing made sense and each sunrise was full of dread. it all still doesn't make much sense but at least i'm in recovery, and at least my core is dry and good and i can soon begin to flower.
written at 6:15 p.m.
