04.09.08
if you're ever in the hospital, DON'T SAVE IT UP PLEASE
earson: insurance/dmv/judicial b/detective/insurance/stupid ass male nurse
eyeson: CRAP, crazy dreams today about being attacked in a beach house, lawn inner-tube surfing in the dream?
thoughton: i never want to see her ugly-ass face again
the debaucle continues about the car. so i paid my ticket, got my insurance, sent in all of my forms along with my proof of insurance, thought everything was fine. on monday i get a call from my insurance agent letting me know my policy is about to be cancelled because my license is suspended?
DMV referrs me to the department of justice who referrs me to the detective who wrote the ticket who referrs me back to my insurance carrier who politely informs me that usually, if the insurance co needs to fill out the form i'm requesting, they'll just cancel the policy altogether. but sometimes they'll make exceptions.
except this, mf'er!
so last entry i exalted the night shift because they were cool in general. allow me to say:
when i walked in the door the person who was assigned to orient me said she didn't want to do anything right then, so i sipped on my coffee and started around speaking with nurses to find out if anyone needed anything. when i returned to said trainer she foisted me onto an LNA that was just visiting the floor to do a busywork job. OK. after finishing this i return to trainer and she says 'oh, just go around and ask the nurses if they need anything' which i'd already been doing, i begin to take vitals for a nuse when my charge nurse approaches me and asks me to sit with a confused patient for awhile. fine. finish what i'm doing, go to confused patient's room. everything goes great because the floor's business just generally happens without me for several hours. by the time i get to lunch, the cafeteria is closed, i eat crackers and milk. ok. about 10 minutes before my shift ends my trainer and i reconnect to put a gentleman without 1 leg from the knee down onto a commode. we need us and the nurse to get him over there as he can't bear a lot of weight. the nurse is a pudgy, lazy male nurse who likes to do everything the easy way. he says he's going into report, trainer says to him we'll find him when patient is ready to come off of commode ie: when he's ready to have his ass cleaned up.
patient rings, trainer has disappeared. lazy ass male nurse says we can do it on our own and pulls me into the room. patient has BLOWN THE DOORS OFF with his 7 day old crap and, running on milk and saltines, i am about to toss it. we approach the patient.
now, there is a commode dynamic when there are two people to help. there's the 'holder' and the 'crotch wiper.' lazy male nurse says 'um, where should i be?' and i'm thinking to myself 'OMG, JUST SAY I'M THE CROTCH WIPER SO THAT I CAN GET THE FUCK OUT' so he inevitably does and i position. the stench is overpowering. guy gets up, can only stand on his leg for 2 seconds. CRAP IS F-ING THE HUGEST, GREENEST, FOULEST DUMP I'VE EVER SEEN A HUMAN BEING TAKE IN 1 SITTING. i have seconds to mop him up, i do this, they settle back down to the commode and those boys begin to chat.
about nothing.
while i'm standing there with my poopy gloves, lamaze breathing.
i finally say, as calmly and quietly as i can, 'look, i need to leave the room. i'll brb.' lazy ass nurse trots out to see what's wrong, i carefully explain that i'm vomitous, he decides to go looking for more help. more help comes in the form of another male nurse, not so lazy. we go back in. new male nurse has zero tact and exclaims 'SHEW' as soon as he strolls into the stink. we resposition. oh, but, who becomes the crotch wiper THIS TIME you say?! with two big strong males in the room in that overpowering 7 day crap stench? ahahah, you guessed! me, me me. so the boys help him up and i clean him again as best i can. they settle him back into bed, i grab his commode bucket and semi-jog to the patient's bathroom with it, hoping that 10 pound crap actually flushes or i'll definately lose it. i spend the end of my shift cleaning this out. here's the kicker.
MY TRAINER. SHOWS UP. AT THE DOOR OF THE ROOM. WITH HER PURSE. AND HER COAT ON. "You don't need to work any more, you're done, it's time to go home." Goddamn right it's time to go home right after i finish with this filthy commode bucket still fresh in my hands you saw-ed off bitch! i was so pissed i gave her the hand and basically told her to go away. she knew what she'd done. unbelievable.
my boss stopped me mid-flee a few minutes later and asked how the night shift went. of course i looked crazy-eyed and angry, and i said 'fine' and she didn't buy it. ARARRGH!
written at 3:49 p.m.
