02.27.09
update pt1
earson:
eyeson:
thoughton:
i was hoping your diatribes were 'in theory.'
so here’s a little update. someone left me a note encouraging me to write .. another friend wondered where i was at in my life and asked me .. yet another is on a VERY strange adventure in his married life and has decided to write about it.
so i supposed ..
well, whomever said living with your parents at age 30 was easy. when you’re still in your twenties i guess there’s a portion of the public that can forgive you for still sleeping in the room you once played Barbie in. but there’s some kind of magical turnaround once you leave that magical decade .. your credibility disappears, your reasons seem like excuses, and your friends make fun of you in private. the problem is that i’ve never been fiscally responsible .. so that even if i could afford 1 grand in rent for a 2 bedroom, i’d still probably eff myself somehow with the remaining cash.
my mother, though she is much much less mercurial than she used to be, is growing quirks i’ve never seen before. the muscular disease we all thought was a figment of her imagination was proved with genetic testing to be real. she’s since invested in a power chair, braces, 2 canes, a walker, and a daytime TV habit. she tells me about things like her incontinence, things i dno’t care to know about ever. she’s disappointed that i’ve told her i won’t be wiping her ass when she can’t do it any more but honestly? i’d almost rather smother her with a pillow the first time she shits herself and can’t clean it up. she can’t hear, her driving is atrocious, and she can’t remember simple things you’ve said to her. unreliable, but sweet and cute as a button. ‘cute’ in the oh my goodness, do i really have to say it a 4th time way.
my father is irritable, resentful, unhappy, and uninvolved. he’s very obviously decided i’m a problem he can’t be rid of and generally treats me with annoyance. i understand that i’m a burden to him, but it would be great to hear something encouraging every once in awhile instead of always feeling like a spot on the bottom of his shoe.
my daughter is growing. growing every day. she just finished charlie and the chocolate factory, she loves pokemon and hates everything about school except:
writing workshop
phys ed
art/music/library
and recess.
she sounds exactly like me at her age except that i wonder how long she’ll actually like PE before she begins to loathe it. when she starts to hate it and it becomes the frightening, horrible part of her day i’ll start writing her notes to get her out of it. maybe i’ll even get an MD’s note to get her out of it forever .. zoe shouldn’t have to go through what i went through, the humiliation. a part of me would like to send her because those terrible situations shaped me as a person? and then i remember i’m a human-hating hobbit of a person with utterly stunted .. relatively non-existant social skills and remember it’s probably not good for a child to be in terror.
to be continued ..
written at 1:54 p.m.
