06.07.11
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earson:
eyeson:
thoughton:
you know, three weeks ago this page would have been full of blame.
it would have been full of stuff about how i'm too good for the last person i dated, and all of the shitty things i said, and about how terrible he was and how wonderful and fantastic and reasonable i am for breaking up with him.
tonight, though .. i'm not sure. i'm not sure any more. sometimes you want to think that you were the better person, but you weren't. every time i think about the how of it, the why of it, i get the sense that i'm making excuses to myself.
the more i think about how much work it wlll take to be the person i want to be - or even the person i -used- to be - i just want to throw my gloves down and walk out of the ring.
my whole life right now revolves around whether or not something is the right thing or wrong thing. it's a morality play, like i'm stuck with the paper halo on performing on the pulpit stage and i can't get down. and hey, sometimes the truth is all around you - it really is true what they say, your surroundings begin to echo the person you are on the inside. -sometimes- what people say that -you- automatically wanna file in your Bullshit folder is actually true, it's true repeatedly, the file gets bigger, that Tupperware you're saving for Truth just keeps being empty.
you know what, maybe it wasn't you after all.
maybe it was -me.-
written at 12:02 a.m.
